L.A. Carpenter published a monthly newspaper offering free ads. Carp wrote stories under a number of pseudonyms, often with humor. Today, Carpenter’s Store is Meditrina. I suggest you slow down and read this twice.
“Sumwheresin Vt.
“January 1st, 1929.
“Dere Al:
“Haint you never going to git out a nother one of your Store News? Whats the matter? Allyure reporters had there tonsils and addnoids out so they cant think of no yarns or is Chester just naterlly gorn and give up the Gost? I thort perhaps some of the folks mite of got mad at was rote about em, but I don’t see why ennybody should mad at the trooth. If you cant have a spellen be or a bergalry fore excitment why don’t sum buddy get up a nother ole folks consert or sumthin?
“Say Al, I perty neer forgot to tell you that me and Mandy went to the Bonvil fare and you no when we got to Rasonvil it took me so long to get to Bonvil count o there bein so meny cars in the rode that we got onto the fare grounds just as they was a playin Home sweet home waltz and i never see nuthin of the hors rasin er nuthin. Seems to me es how it wood be a good idee not to alough on ottermobils on the rode fare days.
“Al, im sory yure nam sake got beet out for Presedent, not that I think hees the man as shud have it but just caus I hate to se a nam sake get in trubbel. My wife sais Hoover is the man es ort to hav it, she sais she bot one of them Hoover aperns down to yure store and it cant be beet and her dauter what she had bye her first man and lives down in Boston has got one of them Hoover kitchen cabnets and a man as is smart enuf to git up such usful things has got branes to no what else the people need. Enyhow i don’t think it makes so much differense who he is es how folks take hold thereselves. Now fer instence take my nearest naybor hees just so fer ahead or behind al the time. He gets his wood for brekfast just in time fur dinner, plants his corn when he shud be hayin, and gets in his hay and pertaters at the same time caus he has to get his taters before the ground freeses. Now it seems to me that a man es wood do that it woodent make much odds who was presedent as he is to far gorn to be helpt by ennybody.
“Wel es Wil Rogers sais, “al i now is what i see by the papers” and ime going to keep on sawin wood and when Paul gets me i hope ill have enuff in the old teapot to put me in a quiet place.
“Well Al, cours it aint none of my bisnes bout yure paper but folks up here do set a store by it and i do hope you haint give up putting it out eny more specally as i want to put in a ad to sell my old white drivin hoss as Mandy sais she aint going to Bonvil fare next year unles she can have a lizzy so she can get there the same day. Well Al, Mandy sais if i don’t come to bed shell blow out the candle so here goes. Good nite Al.
“Yure frend B.V.D.
“P.S. Next mornin. Oh, Al! Here’s thet ad I spok of las nite in case you go to press agin afore the old white hoss kicks the buckit.
“FOR SAIL. White Drivin Hoss, wate 9-10 hundred, eats and sleeps wel, perfeckly safe for wimmin and children to driv, no grate speed, stands without hitchin and aint afrade o the cars. Price rite – wood trade for a lizze in good runnin order. Aint pertickler bout paint, wind-shield nor none o them new-fangled dew-dads.
B.V.D., Sumwheresin, Vt.”
This week’s old saying: “About all you can do on a shoestring today is trip.”